Get Your Butterflies In Formation: A New Way To Think About Stress
Stress is often seen as the enemy, something to be suppressed, avoided, or pushed aside. But what if it’s not the presence of stress that matters most, but how it’s interpreted?
Neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett shares a powerful story that reframes this idea beautifully. Her 12-year-old daughter was preparing for her black belt in karate. She was small for her age and would be competing against larger, older boys — an understandably nerve-racking situation.
Many adults might instinctively offer words like “Don’t be nervous” or “You’ll be fine”, in an attempt to soothe. But her sensei did something far more effective. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders, looked her in the eyes, and said:
“Get your butterflies in flying formation.”
This one sentence held incredible emotional intelligence. It acknowledged her anxiety, encouraged agency, and offered a new perspective. The butterflies, that familiar flutter of nervous energy, were no longer chaotic. They were coordinated, focused, and ready.
This is the power of reframing. It doesn’t deny the presence of discomfort. It doesn’t try to suppress emotion. It simply shifts the relationship to it.
Here’s what this small sentence achieves:
It recognizes that nervousness is a natural response
It introduces the idea that those sensations can be directed
It transforms stress from an obstacle into a source of strength
This approach is a cornerstone of emotional resilience. Rather than fighting stress, it becomes possible to work with it. When stress is accepted rather than resisted, it loses its disruptive grip. When past challenges are remembered, confidence to handle the current one grows. When physical sensations of anxiety are seen as energy instead of danger, they can be harnessed rather than feared.
This kind of mindset is especially helpful in high-pressure moments like giving a presentation, facing conflict or taking a big risk. Visualizing those butterflies aligning in graceful formation can calm the nervous system and sharpen focus.
Stress is not always a sign of weakness or a problem to be fixed. Often, it’s a sign that something important is about to happen. And when that energy is channeled with intention, it can become a powerful ally.
So the next time nerves rise before something that matters, don’t push them away. Get them in formation. Let them fly with purpose.
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